Understanding the 4 Styles of Attachment

By Jayanta Chakraborty

To understand how we relate to our children, it helps to understand the four primary attachment styles identified by researchers¹⁵. Recognizing these patterns isn't about blaming your parents, but about recognizing patterns to work towards healing¹⁶.

1. Secure Attachment: This occurs when caregivers consistently meet a child's needs with warmth. These children feel safe, understood, and confident to explore the world¹⁷.
2. Insecure Avoidant: Often resulting from emotionally unavailable caregiving, these children may learn to detach emotionally and become overly self-reliant, struggling with intimacy¹⁸.
3. Insecure Ambivalent: This stems from inconsistent responses. The child becomes anxious and uncertain, often displaying clinginess while simultaneously resisting closeness¹⁹.
4. Insecure Disorganized: This can result from frightening or erratic caregiving. These children may lack a strategy for dealing with stress and struggle with emotional regulation²⁰.

No matter where you identify on this list, remember: this is a journey of "earned" security. We can change these patterns²¹.