Polyvagal Theory: The Science of Safety

Parenting is not just about what we say; it is about what we radiate. This is the core of Polyvagal Theory, developed by Stephen Porges. This science explains that our nervous system is constantly scanning the environment for safety or danger—a process called neuroception.

We operate in three tiers. At the bottom is "Terror" (freeze/faint), where we feel dead inside. In the middle is "Sympathetic Mobilization" (fight/flight), where we live at the mercy of our triggers, feeling anxious and overwhelmed. At the top is the Social Engagement System, where we feel safe, connected, and capable of empathy. The goal of empowered parenting is to help ourselves and our children spend more time in that top tier. When we are regulated, our children "borrow" our safety to regulate themselves.